The comedian who stopped laughing

“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.”

―Alan Moore, Watchmen

Ndugu is a hard person to get a hold on, mostly, because he does not have a telephone. In fact- I gave him one and he sold it the very same day. He. just. does. not. want. to. own. one.

But let's get to it. Our protagonist has had a hard life that includes two near-death experiences. Yet, when I asked him what had been his hardest battles- the worst moments of his life - he highlighted two concrete events: when he lost his brother to the war (figuratively speaking), and when he lost Odette, the love of his life.

This is the story of how Ndugu found itself without a telephone and with a broken heart.

Odette

"At University, I felt in Love"...

I could not help myself and I asked Ndugu what was being in love for him; to which he answered:"To simply love someone, not for what it has, or for what it can become- loving without reason"

After my brief interruption, he continued:

"I was still with Florence, my girlfriend from secondary school, when I met Odette. Florence was in Kigali and when I sent her a text to say that I had met someone else and that our affair was finished.... she said something to me that I will never forget: that I had throwed her away like an old pair of shoes, and that one day I will regret it....

... (with Odette) It was true love. We got to know each other because we went to the field together as part of our university practices and we were then obligated to talk. She came from Kigali, like Florence; I seem to love Rwandan girls. I myself just spent a few years in Kigali, and we created a friendship. I was interested to know more about Rwanda and her life there. She told me that her parents were killed during the 1994 genocide, and that now they were three- her sister, her brother, and her- just like us; she was an orphan- just like me, and so we created a bond from the beginning due to our shared lived experiences.

Before loving each other we became really good friends, we used to do all the University homework together.... And after a few months of friendship she went to Rwanda on holidays, and when she came back she brought me a gift; she took out a bracelet, she opened it and made me wear it. She told me that from this day on, if someone asked if we are together, I should accept that we are together... and that is how it all started.

...it was terrible, we loved each other like crazy. Sometimes we did not even go to university; in the morning I will get up and go to her room in the university dormitories- and we will lock ourselves up there all day... listening to music, dancing, eating, making love... we were together during the entire four years of university. Yeah, because we met at first year during the activities of integration- you know? when you are a first year the others do things to you as part of the process of integration: they do you mischiefs, throw water at you and all those things. And after, at the end, there is a party of integration, and I did comedy myself. I did theatre back then- comedy- I was always the animator, there was a lot of girls but I was not interested, I always refused them"

The Comedian

"I have always done it, comedy. For example, when I was very little, at mine, we had a radio and they always played this particular song we liked, and my father made me learnt it so I could sing it to my mum. And when my dad went to bars, he took me with him, he loved the ambience; I will go with him and he will ask for silence and say: my son is going to sing! I was a public entertainer since I was young... plus I always had a sensibility, even if someone in my house cut the flowers I will notice and get sad....

...When my dad died in primary school, I used to do the proclamation speeches at end of the year, I have always been the one telling stories in class, and joined the promo extra curricular activities that we did at university where people will sing, dance, and other creative things; me, I did comedy. I will write the scrips and then we will interpret them, and I started feeling like it was my thing, so I created a theatre group at university. We even went to Rwanda to represent our university with a play I created and called 'Monsieur le president'- where I said that all African presidents are like oranges, because they are there while they still have jus, but then, the leaders of countries from the West come, they squeeze them and throw them away when they are empty. We even won the prize for the best comedy; it really give me wings".

Auntie's Troubles

"Comedy was also very helpful to me because back then I was living with my paternal uncle in Goma and his wife was making my life impossible.... Odette was in a similar situation too, because her parents were dead and it was her uncle's family who paid for her studies- is like our encounter was destined to happen.

At that time, there was really a problem between my uncle's wife, and myself, things got so bad that I was afraid for my life, I feared she will poison me.... and so I stopped eating at home. This created problems, she told my uncle that I was setting a bad example for my little brother and that my behaviour was unacceptable; she convinced my uncle that I had to move out, and so they kicked me out.

During this period I worked sometimes doing publicity- you know- with the megaphones (This is a very particular way of doing publicity; it is like a parade in which a camionette with an open back will drive around town with a sound system playing music and people with megaphones will shout and MC the whole thing to advertise products- in my experience it is used particularly for advertising telephone companies).. I had a little money, so I left. I went to my cousin's for the night and the next day I was going to explain Odette my situation and what happened to me. That same day there was a Rwandese women that came to university looking for Odette, I was with her, in fact I was telling her about my situation at home when this woman came and took Odette away for a chat.... and gave her her 150 dollars for her necessities at university and that.

When I explained my situation to Odette, she told me that it did not matter much now that I got kicked out home, because we had a bit of money and we could rent a house. So I found a little house with a living room that we could afford with the money she was given and I installed myself there. She stayed at her university dormitory, but she could come and spend time with me and stay the night whenever we wanted to.

Life continued until one day... Oh my dear... Odette comes back from her holidays in Kigali and said to me: You know me and my story, so... that women that gave me the money is the wife of my uncle, who pays for university, my living and all; they do not have kids of their own and that is why they adopted my siblings and I. Her brother is an expat who works in Afghanistan and all that, and he wants to marry; apparently my auntie told him that how was he going to marry in Belgium when we have a girl here, Rwandese, who was doing his studies, and a respectable Christian... so when I arrived to Kigali for my holidays they told me that I had to marry him.....

....she explained that: this women, her uncle's wife, managed everything in the household, if Odette refused to marry her brother, she will never have anything, no studies, nothing, she will not be supported any longer, and so she found herself in the obligation to marry. She said to me: if you want I can marry him, but you will be my real husband... I do not know if I will ever love him because I will always be in love with you; I will maybe love our kids, but him, not him.

I said that it was her choice, that I could not retain her here if she decided to go... I had no real job, nothing to offer right now, so it was her choice. She told me... going to Europe, do you think someone can refuse that? I was disappointed and hurt because we did a lot of things together... I remember one day I took her away from university without her sister knowing- she was also there- I picked her up and we went to town and party all day, we ate well, we went from bar to bar drinking, and when it was night, instead of going back home I told her to switch our phones off, so no one could get to us, and we slept outside looking at the stars. Those were the good times- when we lived together without thinking about the future."

Here I could not help to interrupt Ndugu again: YOU HAD A PHONE? UNTIL WHEN? this was partly a joke.. for although we never really talked about it, we both know he had sold the one I gave him straight away; but I truly wanted to know why he despites the idea of having a phone so much. After a loud laugh he responded, or rather whispered: "Until she left I think..... I promised myself to never talk to her again"

The Punchline

"We were still talking about how to deal with the situation of marriage. She was not sure of what to do. Until one day, I remember clearly- it was a Saturday and I was with my friends at university, drinking as usual: because at uni we were always laughing, talking and drinking. When suddenly, a friend of mine raised his phone and shouted EH Eh EH, listen to this, listen to this!... Because me, I had a reputation of not flirting with other girls- everybody knew this, all the university knew I was loyal" He then impersonated his friend: "Ndugu, you kept this to yourself, you though we will never know, look, look: Odette is getting married right now!! Apparently the auntie's brother came from Belgium to Kigali to marry her. For the first time in my life I slept awake, I felt to the floor and I could not move, I think I lost conscience... and when I woke up I stood up and left... My friends did not really help... they were all laughing....

That year, the last one of university.... I made one whole year without laughing. When I walked around I felt the looks, the whispers- I was sad, and I was ashamed... to find out like that. She married and left, me I stayed in Goma and finished my studies; but for a year I did not want to talk to anybody. All the girls in my class asked me: what is wrong with you Ndugu, you that always animate all of us and make us laugh, you never laugh no more.... I am here, if she is gone I am here.....

I have been unable to love since then (its been 10 years); I am still hurt.

Here is my guess, and it is perhaps pure speculation: Ndugu does not have a phone because he is afraid that when he does, he will break his promise and get in touch with Odette.